Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

69 redenen waarom het GEWELDIG is om een MAN te zijn!

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006

1. Naakte personages in films en tv-serie zijn vrijwel uitsluitend vrouwelijk.

2. De kapper kost je geen 5 uur van je kostbare tijd en ook geen anderhalf maandloon.

3. Je kunt met je vrienden over muziek praten.

4. Voetbalkantines.

5. Niemand stoort het, jezelf incluis, als je twee of drie dagen dezelfde kleren draagt.

6. Je kunt een spijker in de muur slaan.

7. Het is volstrekt mogelijk om geweldige seks te hebben met iemand die je niet kan uitstaan.

8. Andere mensen vinden het fantastisch van je als je kunt koken. Of sterker nog: als je kunt strijken. (more…)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Monday, October 9th, 2006

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side.”

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that. (more…)

St. Patrick

Monday, October 9th, 2006

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the irish man and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.”
“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies.
“I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!”
“You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn.”
The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder.
“I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!”
“Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you.”
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies.
“Your right, he is unshakable!”
The third English man said: “No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch.”
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said…”I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!”
“Yeah, thats what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

On a camel through the desert

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

A man had to cross a deadly desert and went to the bazar to buy a camel.
But the only quadruped he found was an old horse. He asked the owner if the meager stallion were able to stand three days in the desert.
“Sure, Mister! And you won’t believe it-it will do the ride in just one day!!!”
“In one day? Impossible! What’s the trick?”
“Well, it’s a bit strange, I must admit. Every 10 miles you have to give the stallion a hand-job.”
“Jack him off?”
“Yes, he get’s crazy afterwards and runs the next 10 miles like a maniac!”
The man shakes his head, smiles and pays the price for the horse. Then he mounts the old fellow and starts his ride.
After two miles ride in the hot sand the stallion suddenly stops. The man remembers the funny peculiarity of his pal, reaches back to the enormous prick and rubs it-not without being a bit disgusted. Not long and the stallion shot his cum all over the man’s boots. In the next moment he started to neigh and with a jump he began to run like the devil was behind him!
The man laughed and nearly fell off the saddle-he never rode a faster animal.
But after about ten miles the horse stopped again and waited for his hand-job. Like before the climax drove him mad and he continued to run through the glowing desert.
A third and a fourth time the strange situation repeated but when they had covered about 50 miles the man was neither able to make the stallion come nor to move him single step further. He rubbed and rubbed but nothing happened.
Would he have to die? He panicked! He dismounted the horse to get a better position for jacking off the damned beast and suddenly hesitated.
Was there a label hanging at the hairy balls?

MANUAL FOR STALLION
Every 10 miles : jack off
Every 50 miles : give blowjob