Monthly Archives: October 2006

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jokes, Lists

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Continue reading Why did the chicken cross the road? →

The wonders of politics, explained by a bloke with two cows

Jokes, Politics

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. Continue reading The wonders of politics, explained by a bloke with two cows →

Land mines in Kuwait

Jokes, Sexist

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about ten feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walk several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation.

“This is marvellous,” said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”
“Land mines”, Replied the Kuwaiti woman.

69 redenen waarom het GEWELDIG is om een MAN te zijn!

Dutch, Jokes, Lists

1. Naakte personages in films en tv-serie zijn vrijwel uitsluitend vrouwelijk.

2. De kapper kost je geen 5 uur van je kostbare tijd en ook geen anderhalf maandloon.

3. Je kunt met je vrienden over muziek praten.

4. Voetbalkantines.

5. Niemand stoort het, jezelf incluis, als je twee of drie dagen dezelfde kleren draagt.

6. Je kunt een spijker in de muur slaan.

7. Het is volstrekt mogelijk om geweldige seks te hebben met iemand die je niet kan uitstaan.

8. Andere mensen vinden het fantastisch van je als je kunt koken. Of sterker nog: als je kunt strijken. Continue reading 69 redenen waarom het GEWELDIG is om een MAN te zijn! →

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Jokes, Lists

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side.”

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that. Continue reading Why did the chicken cross the road? →

St. Patrick

Irish, Jokes

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the irish man and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy.”
“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies.
“I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!”
“You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn.”
The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder.
“I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!”
“Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you.”
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies.
“Your right, he is unshakable!”
The third English man said: “No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch.”
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said…”I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!”
“Yeah, thats what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

On a camel through the desert

Jokes, Rude

A man had to cross a deadly desert and went to the bazar to buy a camel.
But the only quadruped he found was an old horse. He asked the owner if the meager stallion were able to stand three days in the desert.
“Sure, Mister! And you won’t believe it-it will do the ride in just one day!!!”
“In one day? Impossible! What’s the trick?”
“Well, it’s a bit strange, I must admit. Every 10 miles you have to give the stallion a hand-job.”
“Jack him off?”
“Yes, he get’s crazy afterwards and runs the next 10 miles like a maniac!”
The man shakes his head, smiles and pays the price for the horse. Then he mounts the old fellow and starts his ride.
After two miles ride in the hot sand the stallion suddenly stops. The man remembers the funny peculiarity of his pal, reaches back to the enormous prick and rubs it-not without being a bit disgusted. Not long and the stallion shot his cum all over the man’s boots. In the next moment he started to neigh and with a jump he began to run like the devil was behind him!
The man laughed and nearly fell off the saddle-he never rode a faster animal.
But after about ten miles the horse stopped again and waited for his hand-job. Like before the climax drove him mad and he continued to run through the glowing desert.
A third and a fourth time the strange situation repeated but when they had covered about 50 miles the man was neither able to make the stallion come nor to move him single step further. He rubbed and rubbed but nothing happened.
Would he have to die? He panicked! He dismounted the horse to get a better position for jacking off the damned beast and suddenly hesitated.
Was there a label hanging at the hairy balls?

MANUAL FOR STALLION
Every 10 miles : jack off
Every 50 miles : give blowjob