Monthly Archives: October 2013

Little Johnny in class

Little Johnny is the brightest kid in his class, and finishes way ahead of all the other kids during a maths test. To stop him from disturbing any of the other children the teacher says “Johnny, you are so clever that I’m going to ask you an extra question. There are five birds on a Wall.
You’re armed with a shotgun and you shoot one of them. How many are left?”
“None” says Johnny.
“What do you mean, none?” says the teacher.
“Well, one falls dead, and the others fly away because of the noise.” explains Johnny. “Ahhh, well done Johnny. I would have said four, but I like the way you’re thinking.” answers the teacher. Twenty minutes later, Johnny raises his hand. “Miss! Miss!”
“Yes Johnny”
“Now can I ask you a question?”
“Please do.”
“Miss, three girls are standing next to an ice-cream van, and they’ve all got ice-creams. One is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it.
Which one is married?!”
The teacher looks a bit embarrassed and says: “Errr,Hmm, I don’t know Johnny. The one who, er… sucking it?”
“No Miss!” Says Johnny “The one with a ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking!!!”

The Basic Difference Between HIS (Y) and HERS (X)

The Basic Difference Between HIS (Y) and HERS (X)

X: ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Y: ONLY three nights at topless bar per week

X: Workout – Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Y: Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote

X: Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Y: Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing

X: Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Y: Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria’s Secret catalog mailing list

X: Get organized/clean house
Y: Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)

X: Read More/Less TV
Y: Buy Dish – More sports channels!!

Today’s Stock Market Report

Helium was up.
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.