69 Questions With No Answers

1. If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?
2. Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
3. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
4. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
5. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
6. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
7. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
8. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
9. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
10. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
11. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
12. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
13. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
14. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
15. You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
16. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
17. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
18. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
19. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
20. What is the speed of dark?
21. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
22. What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
23. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
24. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
25. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
26. When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
27. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
28. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
29. If builders are afraid to have a 13th floor, then why aren’t book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
30. How can there be self-help groups?
31. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
32. Where are Preparations A through G?
33. Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
34. If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
35. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
36. What happened to the first 6 “ups”?
37. If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
38. Hermits have no peer pressure.
39. There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
40. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
41. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
42. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
43. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
44. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
45. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
46. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
47. When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
48. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
49. Why is the word abbreviation so long?
50. If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
51. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
52. What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
53. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
54. Is it possible to be totally partial?
55. What’s another word for thesaurus?
56. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
57. If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
58. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
59. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
60. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
61. How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
62. Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
63. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
64. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
65. Why do they call it a TV “set” when you only get one?
66. Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
67. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
68. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
69. Why is abbreviation such a long word?…And why does it have one?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *