Category Archives: Rude

Lawyers & Viagra

* “Is it true that lawyers can take a business tax deduction for their Viagra prescription since it enhances their performance at what they do for a living?”

* In a recent study,the FDA administered weekly doses of Viagra to an equal number of doctors and lawyers…..

While most doctors achieved enhanced sexual ability – the lawyers simply grew taller.

Researchers are at a loss to explain this phenomenon.

Little Johnny in class

Little Johnny is the brightest kid in his class, and finishes way ahead of all the other kids during a maths test. To stop him from disturbing any of the other children the teacher says “Johnny, you are so clever that I’m going to ask you an extra question. There are five birds on a Wall.
You’re armed with a shotgun and you shoot one of them. How many are left?”
“None” says Johnny.
“What do you mean, none?” says the teacher.
“Well, one falls dead, and the others fly away because of the noise.” explains Johnny. “Ahhh, well done Johnny. I would have said four, but I like the way you’re thinking.” answers the teacher. Twenty minutes later, Johnny raises his hand. “Miss! Miss!”
“Yes Johnny”
“Now can I ask you a question?”
“Please do.”
“Miss, three girls are standing next to an ice-cream van, and they’ve all got ice-creams. One is licking it, one is biting it, and one is sucking it.
Which one is married?!”
The teacher looks a bit embarrassed and says: “Errr,Hmm, I don’t know Johnny. The one who, er… sucking it?”
“No Miss!” Says Johnny “The one with a ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking!!!”

On a camel through the desert

A man had to cross a deadly desert and went to the bazar to buy a camel.
But the only quadruped he found was an old horse. He asked the owner if the meager stallion were able to stand three days in the desert.
“Sure, Mister! And you won’t believe it-it will do the ride in just one day!!!”
“In one day? Impossible! What’s the trick?”
“Well, it’s a bit strange, I must admit. Every 10 miles you have to give the stallion a hand-job.”
“Jack him off?”
“Yes, he get’s crazy afterwards and runs the next 10 miles like a maniac!”
The man shakes his head, smiles and pays the price for the horse. Then he mounts the old fellow and starts his ride.
After two miles ride in the hot sand the stallion suddenly stops. The man remembers the funny peculiarity of his pal, reaches back to the enormous prick and rubs it-not without being a bit disgusted. Not long and the stallion shot his cum all over the man’s boots. In the next moment he started to neigh and with a jump he began to run like the devil was behind him!
The man laughed and nearly fell off the saddle-he never rode a faster animal.
But after about ten miles the horse stopped again and waited for his hand-job. Like before the climax drove him mad and he continued to run through the glowing desert.
A third and a fourth time the strange situation repeated but when they had covered about 50 miles the man was neither able to make the stallion come nor to move him single step further. He rubbed and rubbed but nothing happened.
Would he have to die? He panicked! He dismounted the horse to get a better position for jacking off the damned beast and suddenly hesitated.
Was there a label hanging at the hairy balls?

Every 10 miles : jack off
Every 50 miles : give blowjob